A picture of Andrew.

I have always been awful at starting and concluding my essays.  Luckily, I had a few good ideas for the intro.  Now I need to create a successful conclusion.  My essay begins with a quote from a TV show that most of the essay's readers can relate to.  It is a good intro to the rest of the essay and introduces the main idea and the theme.  On the other hand, my conclusion is lacking.  It cuts off very suddenly and doesn't leave the reader very satisfied.  The conclusion is mostly analytically based and  what it really needs is the addition of another more personal paragraph to the end to really sum up how I feel about the media and how it has impacted my life rather than analyzing how the planet has changed over the past few decades.

I liked the peer review.  I learned a lot and now have an idea of what I want to do to finish up the essay.  I not only got ideas from what my partner told me but I also got some ideas from reading her paper.  It was beneficial in many ways.

My essay has many issues.  The biggest problem is that I compare too many tv shows and movies that cannot be compared.  I compare spongebob to movies like The Hangover and shows like The Office.  My initial point was to describe the change in media over the years and it's influence on my life but I actually just described my change in interests.  Just because my interests change does not mean that the media is influencing my life.  Although I believe that the media speeds up the process of my loss of innocence, I need to make it clear that the media influenced ME in this way rather than everyone else.

I should focus more on how Pokemon, Spongebob and The Office influence MY life rather than how the media is changing the world.  This essay is supposed to be about me, myself and I. Not the rest of the world.

My peers helped me focus my ideas and clear my mind of all useless details that I was worried about.  I was mostly worried about how to format the essay and where to talk about certain subjects.  My focus of the essay is to analyze the effects of media throughout my life.  Specifically, the loss of innocence that occurred over time.  Each form of media had a similar effect and they all coincided with each other to create a super-mass media that changed my life.  This peer editing helped me organize the theme of the essay and the actual focus of where I want the essay to go.